I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
