a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
