dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
