Well apparently he's into motor boating.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
