i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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