it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
