It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
