I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
