I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
