What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
