Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
