I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
