Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
