I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
