Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
