I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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