worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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