end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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