I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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