i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
