didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
