I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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