Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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