It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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