My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
