Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
