i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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