I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
