Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
