i already hear my dad disowning me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
