how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
