Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
