No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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