If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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