hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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