Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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