guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
