Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
