I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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