Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
