Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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