My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
