You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
