So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
