After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What drink are we having for lunch?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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