I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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