I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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