I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
