it's too hot outside to masturbate.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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