I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
