That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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