You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
