Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Moan for me like Helen Keller
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
