Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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