Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
