Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
thus making me awesome and them whores
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
