I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
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Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
this hospital has no fireball
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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