we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
