im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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